1.) Make peace with your past, so your past won't spoil your future. 2.) What others think of you is NONE of your business. 3.) Time heals almost everything, give time some more time. 4.) No one is the reason for your happiness except YOU, yourself. 5.) Don't compare your life to others, you have no idea what their journey is about. 6.) Stop thinking too much; its alright not to know all the answers. 7.) Smile, you don't own all the problems of the world.

Watch "Khmer Kid -SMOKE WEED Lyrics" on YouTube

When I look at you,
Memories rain down over me,
When you look at me I dream,
Of you all night,
But on some occasions,
I stay awake,
Thinking of the look within,
Your eyes,
Wondering so quietly,
If you were ever mine.

its all a catch 22,
do i even want to be here,
as my world buckles,
having felt the real side of love,

and now the cold reality is setting in,
or is it,
do i stay or do i go,

I know tho,
i have one more rally,
in me,
to make another call to love,

decisions made are decisions,
i must live with,
but the outcome is all mine,
to dance with..

Prophecy

i see leaving in her eyes,
that thing that dont include me,
was it in the half-cracked smile
or the moment I noticed her eyes,
go from gleaming,
to emotionless and crude with a smile,
my past haunts me and hangs over my head,
as I seemingly know Ive learned from my mistakes
so i can move on further
but the cold heart that was warming inside my chest
flowing free like a wild river Ive never seen
has and is cooling, transforming to what was not good
unable to change the worst about me
which is the calm emotionless creature
that I was sure had been found dead
cyclicar un-bridled raw but sweet
innocent inside my twisted maybe even bi polar head,
its the choices that spin out inside me
that make me understand
that at this rate
assumingly,
will fill the prophecy of what my father said,
"Boy, you will end up by yourself
boots still on,
in your lonely bed,
having to put the anxiety
on the poor soul who finds
you dead."

Never in my life have I treaded thoughts in my mind,
An ocean, an abyss,
Shark infested at times,
As in a bad dream where there is no beginning and no end,
Caught between two islands hopelessly cannot swim,
Merely tread in one place,
Kicking with mild ferocity,
Periodically looking up to the sky debating if I should stop,
And sink below the cool waters,
Weightless eyes opened serenity uninterrupted,
Tho tentacles sting and pierce my soul,
And I begin to bleed rapid and out of control,
No one no where to call my own or my home,
Gaffed hooked gutted no more,
Pain escapes as does weakness I'm told,
One without the other has no meaning,
As my old self floats up to the surf,
Metamorphosis of irrelevant being,
Transforming into what I know I should,
My arms and legs begin to move on,
Towards this island oasis just off of the coast.

Un-dying

Undoing the undone,
he doesn't fathom,
Over looking what was not ever truely seen,
eludes her vision,

And tho the flowered ground upon,
Which they sat,
Is torn,
And withered,

A new season has yet to be seen,
Felt, touched, nor,
Has he breathed,
Bits and pieces left,

Seemingly centuries since,
He had,
Or will,
And happiness is prayed upon,

Those-that he has mistaken for his own,
Collateral damage left in his wake,
Knowingly he absorbs the pain,
So no one else will feel,

And the cycle continues,
To spin away,
Like the mind he lost,
And tends to recapture,

On one of these love-lost,
and,
Lonely,
days.

Forever

Is all the days from birth,
Till,
It's the number of breaths taken,
It's the word that makes my heart hold still.

Spirit

What's coming through me is alive,
What's holding me up this time,
Can't be this mirror!
But what's singing songs,
in me?
it is a snake looking to turn this piss to wine,
They're both totally void of hate,
The serpant and the blind,
but combined they are killing me just the same,
The snake behind me hisses what my damage could have been,
My blood before me begs I open up my heart again,
And I feel this coming over like a storm begins,
considerately,
Venomous voice,
tempts me, drains me, bleeds me, leaves me cracked and empty,
Drags me down like some sweet gravity,
The snake behind me hisses what my damage could have been,
My blood before me begs I open up my heart again,
But I can't and won't allow it to,
And I feel this coming over like a storm again!!
I am too connected to you,
to slip away,
to fade away.
Days away
I still feel you
touching me,
changing me,
and considerately killing me,
Without the skin,
beneath the storm,
under these tears,
the walls came down!
And the snake is drowned,
and as I look in his eyes,
my fear begins to fade,
recalling all of those times,
I could have cried then,
I should have cried then.
And as the walls come down and as I look in your eyes my fear begins to fade recalling all of the times
I have died and will die.
It's all right.
I don't mind.
I am too connected to you to slip away,
to fade away.
Days away I still feel you touching me,
changing me,
and considerately killing me.

toes frosted as the wind chill blows,

Levi Jeans cuffed, wet just beyond calve,

eyes staring at a dark, restless and stirring place,

and in his mind,

thinks,

it can't hurt,

soft, wet and cold,

"But at my age, fuck, man fuck!"

a tear fights it's way from the "ear-cornered side",

of a twitching and "not of this world,

wild and dreary eye,

"Man what the fuck! Man this ain't worth a fuck!"

"It's my fault,"

"I fucked their lives up!"

with a swan-like flap

grace and all it's beauty,

flannel shirt unbuttoned,

knowing this will be his last,

road trip, journey,

 

And with the strife in his voice before he dove,

two-hundred or more feet to his slushy tomb,

not a word muttered,

at that moment he was free,

of the misery,

he had taken responsibility for,

 

Smiling life flashing before him in black

and white images,

only smiles of those he hurt,

sounds of laughter to kill the burning,

inside,

 

that he had hashed away,

deep down,

beneath the front,

of a man who wasn't bothered,

showed no emotion,

 

Even during the fateful jump!

As some old fables go,

like the ill-fated serpant,

found in an elder's crop that grew,

so are many of life's "Garden of Eden Apples",

that are bitten,

Although,

prior and unknowingly,

forbidden,

Amazingly enough,

there are stories of my own,

pain, so damn much,

along with sympathy-begging moans,

that never are returned,

So,

I stand alone now,

as I did in the beginning,

and will in my end,

as we all will,

I, alone, will answer, atone,

for all of my decisions,

made from within,

this life I've known,

But I pray that those,

I've failed,

May have it within,

theirselves,

to forgive,

a man who is merely human,

as hard as that seems for some to understand,

I've never intended to hurt anyone,

especially those I love,

nor anyone,

nights contemplated with one bullet,

one gun,

Still I cannot help but focus on love and compassion,

companionship needs passion,

and today is the life we live in,

fucked up rules, laws, morals and other's,

pig-headed opinions,

Directly affect and depict how the only life,

I've been given,

bitter, short, but sweet, 

is supposed to be ended,

So, with GOD in my heart,

Christian beliefs to my core,

MY LORD!!!!!!

C'MON MAN!!

It's YOU! The SON who died for all,

of us,

So that our sins would be forgiven,

I won't believe that you do not condone,

LOVE! The only fruit without bitterness,

handed down from a devine intervention,

Sweet love that some never touch,

never see, feel much less taste,

And the love that is and was vowed,

before your glory,

not once, but in my account twice,

this is my story,

which I am not afraid to say,

But what about the love not vowed,

yet forbidden, forgotten, others throw rocks at,

because of it's mixture,

undertones, and why we ought not,

Putting ink to a pad,

not done quite often,

has me feeling confused and scared,

two things I don't know much of,

or maybe just forgotten

My heart engorged, swollen with new blood,

only created by this "unvowed" love,

palpatating,

still from a close encounter with the forbidden fruit,

Who's appearance is grand,

on the outer shell,

all that glitters is gold and glows,

Cinnamon and sweet,

Curled my toes,

Candy to my tongue,

is sweet to my taste,

but within an angel,

this too is wrong and can't be the case,

despite the real and true feelings,

Her core is shook,

a different mask worn,

defensive perspectives,

each occassion she doesn't know,

Fragile flower,

bloomed in the middle of an open field,

sun shine down,

give her all your attention,

the unknown, unvowed flower,

sprouting ground,

just wanting to see what unfolds,

wild flower,

which is too afraid to bud,

who'd rather stay enclosed,

tightly in a dark and scary place,

where no one would see the beauty unfold,

Yet, I, the sun, tears in my eyes,

wanting this most beautiful flower not to miss,

the most important parts of life,

to just stretch out, endure, open her eyes,

take it all in,

cry, and that's okay,

As long as she's not afraid of change,

and although my hand is outstretched,

I cannot promise her clasp,

to help her growth,

nor can her pedals ensure,

the love I'll never feel,

as the fable goes,

un-ending battle between two natural forces,

I know care about one another,

but that egotistical poison already has entered,

both the sun and the flower's,

beautiful veins,

melloncholly for what could have been but never truely was.

I'll always be here baby,

never once do you cry now,

ill-fated memories,

from a deflated time,

We all are kindred souls,

traveling thru one world,

at a time,

connecting to energy,

that pulls us together,

Simple thoughts of love and joy,

the basic formula for the life we all want,

but to grasp,

hold on,

to what we feel from the start,

Not so easy now, (if you think about it)

as the days drearily depart,

we look up and see a rain cloud,

and forget that the sun is behind it,

to dry all the tears,

struggles,

strife,

until we hold on to or till we see it finally,

and,

can start to hear,

the re-kindling, the re-start of the beating,

of the same hearts,

that started this whole thing,

tenderly, with bliss,

stronger,

without glitch,

we will never depart again.

loose-lipped, lingering lies,

the torrential triumphs,

from some weak, twisted up and slow to die,

bastard,

cinnamon and sugary cries,

those weak, "Man I'm sorry, dog I tried",

but from a man of perseverance,

just notching my pad,

my thoughts that steer,

never forgotten,

hidden in a place,

in the back of the mind,

almost forgotten,

until the time,

to reap what was sowed,

pure and rotten,

uprooting the scare-crows,

from my beautiful garden.

One not Three!

I've heard many times in my years,if a man is lucky,he'll have three good women to bless his cheer,But, after ponder and thought and many of beers,I've come to one idea,What is the significance in the number "3",When it's only one who will hold on to the end,So to re-write the old saying,or call it a "para-phrase",a man is blessed beyond his years,if one woman will put up with his ways,I myself have known only one,and that's a fact I know sincere,one who has not only my back,but has proven she has endless tears,I am unworthy of the love,that she pours so much of on me,but I would be the most stubborn guy,if I would not always be thirsty for it,So may the heavens shine down on her,and heal the wounds she's endured,the deepest have been caused from carelessness,from a man who she stands beside and loves.

dream

In a dream I saw an angel,

yes, I saw a real angel,

in dream-land where nothing seems real,

I saw a real angel,

It was not in the sight of this beautiful being,

that was my bliss,

it was that of what she spoke of,

and my wanting of her kiss,

Complete innocense surrounded her,

although a sense of misfortune followed,

as if she had lived many lives before,

and she dwelled in a place of prosper,

Her words are not remembered,

but the message is quite understood,

in order to move on to the next life,

there are certain things one must do good,

Love, Live, Laugh and never Lack,

Help & Home, without hender,

and do not give guilt your name,

own up for the wrongs in your life,

For they happen to one and all,

most importantly, it seems she portrayed,

is how one takes their fall,

from grace to black, from the bottomless pit,

back to the grace of God,

What struck me most, I mean most of all,

was her imperfection as she floated above,

robed, shining, for sure of God,

and as I woke this morn' and stretched and yawned,

I looked around at what i could see,

and imperfect man in the mirror,

who so gallantly wants to be,

lesson learned from this dream,

Is the biggest mistake man can make,

is to shoot for a perfected life,

God sent his only begotton son,

who shed HIS BLOOD,

So all our sins would be absolved.

Amen

ABYSS

To love is to be free of solitude,

To love is to set yourself up for the fall,

To love is to open one's heart,

with all,

he who loves learns the price or the toll,

between a rock and a hard-place,

is where I find myself at this point in my life,

sanctity found only because I've been here before,

shed blood, crushed souls, burnt memories and strife,

hurting all who have loved me,

I ALWAYS SEE THE DISAPPOINTMENT 

a woman that unknowingly saved my life,

against the odds I opened my heart,

with full awareness that I would deal with this night,

but wouldn't change it for the world, not even one part,

feeling cold and alone,

betrayed and unknown,

during the prime of my life,

over night, I soon will take that plane,

to that place I've thought of,

one way flight,

paradise, freedom, and where I'll KNOW,

I am loved,

And if it's the place I've been told of,

if it really exists,

I'll be high as a monkey,

in a tree, 

somewhere beyond the abyss.

mom

Mom,
when did you know me?
Was I a thought that whispered in your ear long ago?
Like that first, fall-breeze that blew your pettycoat.
Or,
Maybe it was after sister was born,
You may have came up with my name within the 35 month difference between us,
Your story says that she wanted to name me Johnny Cash.
Did you pick my name being a bit more conservative?
I thought of you before GOD gave me another go at it.
I picked you MOM!
So,
What is your favorite color?
I will guess and say blue.
Because you gave this boy everything needed to become a man.
But,
Baseballs and bruises,
Each with memories.
Maybe your favorite color is pink,
and if it is,
I will give you both eyes,
And the swollen tissue which incapsulates each,
For you have given everything,
To me,
And still look upon me as your child,
Love has no boundaries,
No limits,
Unconditionally I owe you my all.
You, the greatest of moms.

Dear Dad

Dad,

I wish I knew your favorite color,

The only one of God's many crayons that gets you to sit up straighter.

To unbraid your spine from a snake infested pirogue',

I bet its red.

like a sea I've never seen

But hear quite often in your voice late at night

If it is, I will strip my skin off my body.

Bare crimson flesh.

I'm sure that you'd look at me more often

If I was the color that makes you smile,

maybe make you proud,

just one time,

But maybe it's black

A bayou shade that can only be achieved by swallowing the murkiest swamp,

 

 I will drown in Bear Bayou,

where we used to fish,

for a kiss on my corpse cheek,

Because I often forget you have lips,

Only reminded when the moon gets home before I do,

They bite.

Sting like thunderclaps And you are oblivious to this.

Tell me it's brown,

 I will have no problem with ripping out these weak strands of hair

And stitching them to the left side of your chest

 So you can feel your pulse in my chest hair.

Except I know you were never one to wade in the dark.

That leaves white as my next option.

 If this is in fact your favorite color I will be forced to Novocain myself speechless.

Pull my teeth one by one out of my mouth and into my palm

 Fist full of smiles that I usually only bless silence with,

 I have a high tolerance for pain

So masochism wouldnt be my objective,

 

You love on a grayscale.

 Like a schizophrenic paraplegic

Is it because your 2 siblings stripped the rainbow from your throat.

 Each draining 2-3 different colors from the sky in your sound.

 A shaky squeak left in a scraped up voice box I can barely hear.

 I want you to know

That there is human, real flesh lining the insides of my elbows

So hug me, Dad.

Pretend that you like me long enough to capture the color in my flesh.

 Suffocate me,

 Caved in shoulders and a rising chest,

Squeeze the life out of me so that you can see rainbows again

 Don't see it as a homicide

 But a sacrifice for the greater good.  

 I know that now you probably think I'm crazy,

That this is just another one of my phase down-falls, 

But I'm not crazy, Dad.

 Humans just have crazy tendencies when we want someone to love us.

I want you to stop living in black and white images.

Pay close attention to the movement in your children's pigment.

 Maybe that way, you'll finally see that the both of us are in fact your favorite color.

into the time I haven't seen,
heard, felt,
dreamed,
a tear burns my skin,
for each second lost,
everything,
re-capturing,
what means the most,
to me.