Gates

inspired,
the thoughts that nostalgically,
nose their way up to the surface,
interrupted by nothing,
born again and again,
to the fiery pits of not being good enough,
but realizing that you are,
so once again,
I must grab the boot straps,
that I've gripped in the past,
and make my way,
to the gates that we are supposed to enter.

misunderstood

in this crazy life,
misunderstood,
ups and downs,
some bad some good,
little feet pitter patter,
and not long after,
nostalgic imagination,
takes the place,
world turned upside down,
but does any of it,
really matter,
YES,
starting over is hard to do,
opening my heart,
not knowing who I am,
wish I had a clue,
dizzy head,
windshield break,
saw loved ones briefly,
for goodness sake,
minutes to hours,
days to nights,
try to stay warm,
on this cool crisp,
chest feels tight,
hic-cup,
misunderstood,
again tonight.

Z-Ro- "This Ain't Livin" Official Video

http://youtu.be/bv0b7JQu_R8

from green fields and clovers,
with white spindles blowing,
smell of wind,
felt on my fingertips,
to life of strife,
where and when did this time end,
from third grade recess,
till senior-skip-out day,
the sky is still as blue,
and the birds tweets are
just becoming new
again,
so much pain and stress
when will it end?
if I'd only follow intructions
no telling where
I'd be.

transition

How is it or is it how...

do they say?,

withdrawing so rapidly,

with no delay,

from the simple moments

that punctuate my life,

a healthy, young-son,

two-beautiful girls,

and two,

not so good wives,

or were they?

I have to say,

after the hell

they continue to pay,

for my wreckless abandonment,

now in a transition stage,

don't know North from South,

East from W-yesstt!,

nor where I am going,

how has everyone I've learned to love,

left me so quickly,

and I know it will happen again,

and again,

but,

wouldn't want it any other way,

stamping my grafitti on today,

for loving so hard,

as if my heart didn't have anything left,

to say.

times

Is the spoon hot,

and the needle 

sharp,

let it be so

you and me can drift away,

I can hear you say

that the world is black,

things are coming down and,

it's upon your back,

yet your body shakes

you fade away,

and you close the shades,

hoping you won't see a new day,

but if I tried to do it,

I'd probably get some time,

yeah,

you might do it,

and you might lose your mind,

you got to hold on to your time,

till you break thru these times of trouble,

when you drop,

you talk when you're torn,

and the words get hard,

and the pull of death is close today,

so be careful love,

 they'll push you in,

So,

I'm fucking swinging,

singing my mother's song,

yeah, I know you're just playing,

baby,

but this road,

sometimes the road gets hard,

cause somebody left you out on the ledge,

what if somebody would've pushed you over the edge,

you'd have to hold on,

don't fall,

and break thru these times of trouble,

and,

I'm fucking swingin my mother's sword,

and I know I'm praying that my broken heart,

will mend when my heart won't start,

but if somebody left me out on the ledge 

then pushed me off the lifeless edge,

if somebody loved me  and then left me for dead,

I know I'd have to hold on and break thru,

thru these,

these times of trouble.

Love

It was a long time since,
His ego let the slightest insecurity in,
It was a (how can I say),
A moment when the world seemed to,
Take his breath away,
Nostalgia a feeling he understood,
Past memories,
Some bad,
Mostly good,
And when he let his heart's guard down,
Wow! Feeling like bozo the clown,
But only for a moment,
See at this point of his devious life,
Its not about what it looks like,
More about how he perceives the reality,
Love, a measure a of s man's will to
Take it to the limit,
To ensure the happiness of his world,
And everything in it,
Sometimes I've found in the last couple years,
I shouldn't worry bout what others think,
Or what others see me shed tears,
Over,
Its the simple things like hugs and kisses,
Good nights and butterfly kisses,
Its the warm feelings that we all want to feel,
Yet we worry bout what some may think or is it maybe how we feel,
All in all its where I am today,
No more fronting just telling my loved ones,
How much they mean to me everyday.

1.) Make peace with your past, so your past won't spoil your future. 2.) What others think of you is NONE of your business. 3.) Time heals almost everything, give time some more time. 4.) No one is the reason for your happiness except YOU, yourself. 5.) Don't compare your life to others, you have no idea what their journey is about. 6.) Stop thinking too much; its alright not to know all the answers. 7.) Smile, you don't own all the problems of the world.

Watch "Khmer Kid -SMOKE WEED Lyrics" on YouTube

When I look at you,
Memories rain down over me,
When you look at me I dream,
Of you all night,
But on some occasions,
I stay awake,
Thinking of the look within,
Your eyes,
Wondering so quietly,
If you were ever mine.

its all a catch 22,
do i even want to be here,
as my world buckles,
having felt the real side of love,

and now the cold reality is setting in,
or is it,
do i stay or do i go,

I know tho,
i have one more rally,
in me,
to make another call to love,

decisions made are decisions,
i must live with,
but the outcome is all mine,
to dance with..

Prophecy

i see leaving in her eyes,
that thing that dont include me,
was it in the half-cracked smile
or the moment I noticed her eyes,
go from gleaming,
to emotionless and crude with a smile,
my past haunts me and hangs over my head,
as I seemingly know Ive learned from my mistakes
so i can move on further
but the cold heart that was warming inside my chest
flowing free like a wild river Ive never seen
has and is cooling, transforming to what was not good
unable to change the worst about me
which is the calm emotionless creature
that I was sure had been found dead
cyclicar un-bridled raw but sweet
innocent inside my twisted maybe even bi polar head,
its the choices that spin out inside me
that make me understand
that at this rate
assumingly,
will fill the prophecy of what my father said,
"Boy, you will end up by yourself
boots still on,
in your lonely bed,
having to put the anxiety
on the poor soul who finds
you dead."

Never in my life have I treaded thoughts in my mind,
An ocean, an abyss,
Shark infested at times,
As in a bad dream where there is no beginning and no end,
Caught between two islands hopelessly cannot swim,
Merely tread in one place,
Kicking with mild ferocity,
Periodically looking up to the sky debating if I should stop,
And sink below the cool waters,
Weightless eyes opened serenity uninterrupted,
Tho tentacles sting and pierce my soul,
And I begin to bleed rapid and out of control,
No one no where to call my own or my home,
Gaffed hooked gutted no more,
Pain escapes as does weakness I'm told,
One without the other has no meaning,
As my old self floats up to the surf,
Metamorphosis of irrelevant being,
Transforming into what I know I should,
My arms and legs begin to move on,
Towards this island oasis just off of the coast.

Un-dying

Undoing the undone,
he doesn't fathom,
Over looking what was not ever truely seen,
eludes her vision,

And tho the flowered ground upon,
Which they sat,
Is torn,
And withered,

A new season has yet to be seen,
Felt, touched, nor,
Has he breathed,
Bits and pieces left,

Seemingly centuries since,
He had,
Or will,
And happiness is prayed upon,

Those-that he has mistaken for his own,
Collateral damage left in his wake,
Knowingly he absorbs the pain,
So no one else will feel,

And the cycle continues,
To spin away,
Like the mind he lost,
And tends to recapture,

On one of these love-lost,
and,
Lonely,
days.

Forever

Is all the days from birth,
Till,
It's the number of breaths taken,
It's the word that makes my heart hold still.

Spirit

What's coming through me is alive,
What's holding me up this time,
Can't be this mirror!
But what's singing songs,
in me?
it is a snake looking to turn this piss to wine,
They're both totally void of hate,
The serpant and the blind,
but combined they are killing me just the same,
The snake behind me hisses what my damage could have been,
My blood before me begs I open up my heart again,
And I feel this coming over like a storm begins,
considerately,
Venomous voice,
tempts me, drains me, bleeds me, leaves me cracked and empty,
Drags me down like some sweet gravity,
The snake behind me hisses what my damage could have been,
My blood before me begs I open up my heart again,
But I can't and won't allow it to,
And I feel this coming over like a storm again!!
I am too connected to you,
to slip away,
to fade away.
Days away
I still feel you
touching me,
changing me,
and considerately killing me,
Without the skin,
beneath the storm,
under these tears,
the walls came down!
And the snake is drowned,
and as I look in his eyes,
my fear begins to fade,
recalling all of those times,
I could have cried then,
I should have cried then.
And as the walls come down and as I look in your eyes my fear begins to fade recalling all of the times
I have died and will die.
It's all right.
I don't mind.
I am too connected to you to slip away,
to fade away.
Days away I still feel you touching me,
changing me,
and considerately killing me.

toes frosted as the wind chill blows,

Levi Jeans cuffed, wet just beyond calve,

eyes staring at a dark, restless and stirring place,

and in his mind,

thinks,

it can't hurt,

soft, wet and cold,

"But at my age, fuck, man fuck!"

a tear fights it's way from the "ear-cornered side",

of a twitching and "not of this world,

wild and dreary eye,

"Man what the fuck! Man this ain't worth a fuck!"

"It's my fault,"

"I fucked their lives up!"

with a swan-like flap

grace and all it's beauty,

flannel shirt unbuttoned,

knowing this will be his last,

road trip, journey,

 

And with the strife in his voice before he dove,

two-hundred or more feet to his slushy tomb,

not a word muttered,

at that moment he was free,

of the misery,

he had taken responsibility for,

 

Smiling life flashing before him in black

and white images,

only smiles of those he hurt,

sounds of laughter to kill the burning,

inside,

 

that he had hashed away,

deep down,

beneath the front,

of a man who wasn't bothered,

showed no emotion,

 

Even during the fateful jump!

As some old fables go,

like the ill-fated serpant,

found in an elder's crop that grew,

so are many of life's "Garden of Eden Apples",

that are bitten,

Although,

prior and unknowingly,

forbidden,

Amazingly enough,

there are stories of my own,

pain, so damn much,

along with sympathy-begging moans,

that never are returned,

So,

I stand alone now,

as I did in the beginning,

and will in my end,

as we all will,

I, alone, will answer, atone,

for all of my decisions,

made from within,

this life I've known,

But I pray that those,

I've failed,

May have it within,

theirselves,

to forgive,

a man who is merely human,

as hard as that seems for some to understand,

I've never intended to hurt anyone,

especially those I love,

nor anyone,

nights contemplated with one bullet,

one gun,

Still I cannot help but focus on love and compassion,

companionship needs passion,

and today is the life we live in,

fucked up rules, laws, morals and other's,

pig-headed opinions,

Directly affect and depict how the only life,

I've been given,

bitter, short, but sweet, 

is supposed to be ended,

So, with GOD in my heart,

Christian beliefs to my core,

MY LORD!!!!!!

C'MON MAN!!

It's YOU! The SON who died for all,

of us,

So that our sins would be forgiven,

I won't believe that you do not condone,

LOVE! The only fruit without bitterness,

handed down from a devine intervention,

Sweet love that some never touch,

never see, feel much less taste,

And the love that is and was vowed,

before your glory,

not once, but in my account twice,

this is my story,

which I am not afraid to say,

But what about the love not vowed,

yet forbidden, forgotten, others throw rocks at,

because of it's mixture,

undertones, and why we ought not,

Putting ink to a pad,

not done quite often,

has me feeling confused and scared,

two things I don't know much of,

or maybe just forgotten

My heart engorged, swollen with new blood,

only created by this "unvowed" love,

palpatating,

still from a close encounter with the forbidden fruit,

Who's appearance is grand,

on the outer shell,

all that glitters is gold and glows,

Cinnamon and sweet,

Curled my toes,

Candy to my tongue,

is sweet to my taste,

but within an angel,

this too is wrong and can't be the case,

despite the real and true feelings,

Her core is shook,

a different mask worn,

defensive perspectives,

each occassion she doesn't know,

Fragile flower,

bloomed in the middle of an open field,

sun shine down,

give her all your attention,

the unknown, unvowed flower,

sprouting ground,

just wanting to see what unfolds,

wild flower,

which is too afraid to bud,

who'd rather stay enclosed,

tightly in a dark and scary place,

where no one would see the beauty unfold,

Yet, I, the sun, tears in my eyes,

wanting this most beautiful flower not to miss,

the most important parts of life,

to just stretch out, endure, open her eyes,

take it all in,

cry, and that's okay,

As long as she's not afraid of change,

and although my hand is outstretched,

I cannot promise her clasp,

to help her growth,

nor can her pedals ensure,

the love I'll never feel,

as the fable goes,

un-ending battle between two natural forces,

I know care about one another,

but that egotistical poison already has entered,

both the sun and the flower's,

beautiful veins,

melloncholly for what could have been but never truely was.

I'll always be here baby,

never once do you cry now,

ill-fated memories,

from a deflated time,

We all are kindred souls,

traveling thru one world,

at a time,

connecting to energy,

that pulls us together,

Simple thoughts of love and joy,

the basic formula for the life we all want,

but to grasp,

hold on,

to what we feel from the start,

Not so easy now, (if you think about it)

as the days drearily depart,

we look up and see a rain cloud,

and forget that the sun is behind it,

to dry all the tears,

struggles,

strife,

until we hold on to or till we see it finally,

and,

can start to hear,

the re-kindling, the re-start of the beating,

of the same hearts,

that started this whole thing,

tenderly, with bliss,

stronger,

without glitch,

we will never depart again.

loose-lipped, lingering lies,

the torrential triumphs,

from some weak, twisted up and slow to die,

bastard,

cinnamon and sugary cries,

those weak, "Man I'm sorry, dog I tried",

but from a man of perseverance,

just notching my pad,

my thoughts that steer,

never forgotten,

hidden in a place,

in the back of the mind,

almost forgotten,

until the time,

to reap what was sowed,

pure and rotten,

uprooting the scare-crows,

from my beautiful garden.