Un-dying

Undoing the undone,
he doesn't fathom,
Over looking what was not ever truely seen,
eludes her vision,

And tho the flowered ground upon,
Which they sat,
Is torn,
And withered,

A new season has yet to be seen,
Felt, touched, nor,
Has he breathed,
Bits and pieces left,

Seemingly centuries since,
He had,
Or will,
And happiness is prayed upon,

Those-that he has mistaken for his own,
Collateral damage left in his wake,
Knowingly he absorbs the pain,
So no one else will feel,

And the cycle continues,
To spin away,
Like the mind he lost,
And tends to recapture,

On one of these love-lost,
and,
Lonely,
days.

Forever

Is all the days from birth,
Till,
It's the number of breaths taken,
It's the word that makes my heart hold still.

Spirit

What's coming through me is alive,
What's holding me up this time,
Can't be this mirror!
But what's singing songs,
in me?
it is a snake looking to turn this piss to wine,
They're both totally void of hate,
The serpant and the blind,
but combined they are killing me just the same,
The snake behind me hisses what my damage could have been,
My blood before me begs I open up my heart again,
And I feel this coming over like a storm begins,
considerately,
Venomous voice,
tempts me, drains me, bleeds me, leaves me cracked and empty,
Drags me down like some sweet gravity,
The snake behind me hisses what my damage could have been,
My blood before me begs I open up my heart again,
But I can't and won't allow it to,
And I feel this coming over like a storm again!!
I am too connected to you,
to slip away,
to fade away.
Days away
I still feel you
touching me,
changing me,
and considerately killing me,
Without the skin,
beneath the storm,
under these tears,
the walls came down!
And the snake is drowned,
and as I look in his eyes,
my fear begins to fade,
recalling all of those times,
I could have cried then,
I should have cried then.
And as the walls come down and as I look in your eyes my fear begins to fade recalling all of the times
I have died and will die.
It's all right.
I don't mind.
I am too connected to you to slip away,
to fade away.
Days away I still feel you touching me,
changing me,
and considerately killing me.

toes frosted as the wind chill blows,

Levi Jeans cuffed, wet just beyond calve,

eyes staring at a dark, restless and stirring place,

and in his mind,

thinks,

it can't hurt,

soft, wet and cold,

"But at my age, fuck, man fuck!"

a tear fights it's way from the "ear-cornered side",

of a twitching and "not of this world,

wild and dreary eye,

"Man what the fuck! Man this ain't worth a fuck!"

"It's my fault,"

"I fucked their lives up!"

with a swan-like flap

grace and all it's beauty,

flannel shirt unbuttoned,

knowing this will be his last,

road trip, journey,

 

And with the strife in his voice before he dove,

two-hundred or more feet to his slushy tomb,

not a word muttered,

at that moment he was free,

of the misery,

he had taken responsibility for,

 

Smiling life flashing before him in black

and white images,

only smiles of those he hurt,

sounds of laughter to kill the burning,

inside,

 

that he had hashed away,

deep down,

beneath the front,

of a man who wasn't bothered,

showed no emotion,

 

Even during the fateful jump!

As some old fables go,

like the ill-fated serpant,

found in an elder's crop that grew,

so are many of life's "Garden of Eden Apples",

that are bitten,

Although,

prior and unknowingly,

forbidden,

Amazingly enough,

there are stories of my own,

pain, so damn much,

along with sympathy-begging moans,

that never are returned,

So,

I stand alone now,

as I did in the beginning,

and will in my end,

as we all will,

I, alone, will answer, atone,

for all of my decisions,

made from within,

this life I've known,

But I pray that those,

I've failed,

May have it within,

theirselves,

to forgive,

a man who is merely human,

as hard as that seems for some to understand,

I've never intended to hurt anyone,

especially those I love,

nor anyone,

nights contemplated with one bullet,

one gun,

Still I cannot help but focus on love and compassion,

companionship needs passion,

and today is the life we live in,

fucked up rules, laws, morals and other's,

pig-headed opinions,

Directly affect and depict how the only life,

I've been given,

bitter, short, but sweet, 

is supposed to be ended,

So, with GOD in my heart,

Christian beliefs to my core,

MY LORD!!!!!!

C'MON MAN!!

It's YOU! The SON who died for all,

of us,

So that our sins would be forgiven,

I won't believe that you do not condone,

LOVE! The only fruit without bitterness,

handed down from a devine intervention,

Sweet love that some never touch,

never see, feel much less taste,

And the love that is and was vowed,

before your glory,

not once, but in my account twice,

this is my story,

which I am not afraid to say,

But what about the love not vowed,

yet forbidden, forgotten, others throw rocks at,

because of it's mixture,

undertones, and why we ought not,

Putting ink to a pad,

not done quite often,

has me feeling confused and scared,

two things I don't know much of,

or maybe just forgotten

My heart engorged, swollen with new blood,

only created by this "unvowed" love,

palpatating,

still from a close encounter with the forbidden fruit,

Who's appearance is grand,

on the outer shell,

all that glitters is gold and glows,

Cinnamon and sweet,

Curled my toes,

Candy to my tongue,

is sweet to my taste,

but within an angel,

this too is wrong and can't be the case,

despite the real and true feelings,

Her core is shook,

a different mask worn,

defensive perspectives,

each occassion she doesn't know,

Fragile flower,

bloomed in the middle of an open field,

sun shine down,

give her all your attention,

the unknown, unvowed flower,

sprouting ground,

just wanting to see what unfolds,

wild flower,

which is too afraid to bud,

who'd rather stay enclosed,

tightly in a dark and scary place,

where no one would see the beauty unfold,

Yet, I, the sun, tears in my eyes,

wanting this most beautiful flower not to miss,

the most important parts of life,

to just stretch out, endure, open her eyes,

take it all in,

cry, and that's okay,

As long as she's not afraid of change,

and although my hand is outstretched,

I cannot promise her clasp,

to help her growth,

nor can her pedals ensure,

the love I'll never feel,

as the fable goes,

un-ending battle between two natural forces,

I know care about one another,

but that egotistical poison already has entered,

both the sun and the flower's,

beautiful veins,

melloncholly for what could have been but never truely was.

I'll always be here baby,

never once do you cry now,

ill-fated memories,

from a deflated time,

We all are kindred souls,

traveling thru one world,

at a time,

connecting to energy,

that pulls us together,

Simple thoughts of love and joy,

the basic formula for the life we all want,

but to grasp,

hold on,

to what we feel from the start,

Not so easy now, (if you think about it)

as the days drearily depart,

we look up and see a rain cloud,

and forget that the sun is behind it,

to dry all the tears,

struggles,

strife,

until we hold on to or till we see it finally,

and,

can start to hear,

the re-kindling, the re-start of the beating,

of the same hearts,

that started this whole thing,

tenderly, with bliss,

stronger,

without glitch,

we will never depart again.

loose-lipped, lingering lies,

the torrential triumphs,

from some weak, twisted up and slow to die,

bastard,

cinnamon and sugary cries,

those weak, "Man I'm sorry, dog I tried",

but from a man of perseverance,

just notching my pad,

my thoughts that steer,

never forgotten,

hidden in a place,

in the back of the mind,

almost forgotten,

until the time,

to reap what was sowed,

pure and rotten,

uprooting the scare-crows,

from my beautiful garden.