behind

I look behind myself,

searching for those who have gone,

sometimes feel thier shadows,

shading me from this storm,

God knows I squint when I look in front,

the mirror's smeared, 

with ugly,

blood is my chaulk,

imagine smiling faces,

teeth beautiful, wet lips,

foolishly I've believed,

and comically they have wept',

I look into their eyes,

truely to detect,

motives that "Lie" beneath,

lips and blood stained teeth,

Am I asleep? or must

I wake, fainting memories,

times we've had,

so fucking fake,

Damaged goods,

that's how I feel,

second chances,

do not appeal,

my heart and mind are cold and numb,

dope and hate, the things,

I've done,

don't want to be mean no mo'!

don't want to feel dumb,

who's left to come?

aching crevices; 

like brain on drugs,

creates deep thoughts,

watch here I come,

let the plunger work to fill my veins,

chemicals are evil but they melt 'way the pain,

no longer do I care or contemplate why,

why did God create me,

no more feeling sorry,

My mind to me,

so dark and evil,

lately finding brewing demons,

fucking, fightiNG, PUNCHING SCREAMIN'!

HOPING for a re-birth, cleansing and a temple,

maybe it is you who may be reading, 

so this is my promise,

my rhyme,

and my reason,

I'll keep it one-hundred,

and always be 'bout it,

for most've my life,

simply fake and a fucking coward,

brutal truth and honest eyes,

kiss your lips, now kiss mine,

neither of which will ever lie,

want your pain to swallow down,

take my hand,

into your's,

so alive,

let us live, 

before we die,

aceblade @2013, August 17