ADDICTION IS DISBURDENING
Addiction as
Disburdening
What addiction distracts me from is my own life. In such distraction, it relieves me of the burden of that life; of actually having to live it out, with all the uncertainty, boredom, routine, frustration, and disappointment that so often characterize even the most fortunate life. Most especially, addiction relieves me of the need to keep on searching for meaning in my life, the need to give my own life meaning through commitment, dedication, and daily perseverance. Thanks to my addiction, the search is over. I no longer have to give my own life meaning. Because my addiction is the meaning, my addiction gives it meaning.
Practicing an addiction becomes an all-consuming activity. The time involved in actually taking the drug or engaging in the addictive behavior is only a small part of the total time devoted to the addiction. Time spent securing the supply of the drug or the opportunity to act out some behavioral compulsion, time spent planning to use or act out, time spent arranging all of the trappings and rituals one has built into using the drug or performing the action-time spent on these and all the other activities that go with the addiction must also be taken into account. When they are it is easy to see how the addict's addiction can come to fill up the entirety of the addict's life, squeezing out all else.
Life ceases to be a burden once one turns it over to one's addiction. It ceases to require decisions, since all decisions have already been made. All that's left to do is to carry out, over and over and over again, the same ritualized behaviors, leading to the same, ritualized results. The addiction now lives one's life for one, disburdening one of it.
IN A GRIM PARODY OF THE SLOGAN "ONE DAY AT AT A TIME" THE ADDICT'S LIFE GOES ON IN THAT FASHION LONG AFTER ALL THE LIFE HAS BEEN DRAINED OUT OF IT.
What addiction distracts me from is my own life. In such distraction, it relieves me of the burden of that life; of actually having to live it out, with all the uncertainty, boredom, routine, frustration, and disappointment that so often characterize even the most fortunate life. Most especially, addiction relieves me of the need to keep on searching for meaning in my life, the need to give my own life meaning through commitment, dedication, and daily perseverance. Thanks to my addiction, the search is over. I no longer have to give my own life meaning. Because my addiction is the meaning, my addiction gives it meaning.
Practicing an addiction becomes an all-consuming activity. The time involved in actually taking the drug or engaging in the addictive behavior is only a small part of the total time devoted to the addiction. Time spent securing the supply of the drug or the opportunity to act out some behavioral compulsion, time spent planning to use or act out, time spent arranging all of the trappings and rituals one has built into using the drug or performing the action-time spent on these and all the other activities that go with the addiction must also be taken into account. When they are it is easy to see how the addict's addiction can come to fill up the entirety of the addict's life, squeezing out all else.
Life ceases to be a burden once one turns it over to one's addiction. It ceases to require decisions, since all decisions have already been made. All that's left to do is to carry out, over and over and over again, the same ritualized behaviors, leading to the same, ritualized results. The addiction now lives one's life for one, disburdening one of it.
IN A GRIM PARODY OF THE SLOGAN "ONE DAY AT AT A TIME" THE ADDICT'S LIFE GOES ON IN THAT FASHION LONG AFTER ALL THE LIFE HAS BEEN DRAINED OUT OF IT.
WOW. You should/could be a counselor. That's impressive and makes a lot of sense, I totally get it. Self realization is so empowering! That last part totally got me! the dots have been connected.
ReplyDeleteI wrote this the summer of '10 fresh out of rehab. MOMENT OF CLARITY.
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